Friday, January 25, 2013

I Will Tell Her That They Loved Her

Many times I have thought of Gracie's parents. They are a very real part of this story. At first, I just thought of them, but after we met Gracie that began to change. When we held her and played with her I hurt for them. I prayed for them.

Throughout the adoption I have received little pieces of information about how their journey began. Gracie was born of a c-section, I knew their ages and their occupations and I knew that she was immediately sent to the orphanage. Some would think that to be so cruel and unloving of them. It is hard for us to understand how parents can do such a thing. I have a tender heart for them; I have compassion for them. I know that the place they live in does not make life easy on them if they choose to parent. It is not their fault individually; it is just the way it is here.

Understand that I do not think they are bad people. I pray for them all the time. They are married and I often wondered about them and what it must have been like to have Gracie. I have cried many tears and felt pain for them. When we met Gracie I saw so much in her. She is a lively, fun, beautiful and loving child. I was so hurt that her parents were not experiencing what she had to offer yet so happy and blessed that we will be able to do so. I prayed, "Lord, they do not know what they are missing. Please give them peace."

Over the past year (especially the past 5 months) I have wondered and prayed, "Did they just turn their backs and walk away?" "Did they love her/care about her?" "Do they ever think about her or wonder what happened to her?" "Did they ever visit her or want to bring her home?"

Most of the time I figured the answer may have been no. I assumed they probably left her and went on about their lives. I wondered if it was normal for me to have these thoughts. I wondered if I was obsessing too much. I decided it was my privilege, duty and honor to pray for them which I have done all along.

Gracie was born in March of 2009 which is about the time I found out I was pregnant with Logan. How great is our God? While I had no idea about the journey I was stepping into with our little boy with Down syndrome...a little girl across the World was being born with the very same condition and she was to be ours too. We were clueless and never would have believed it, but God is so amazing.

I think about the day she was born. I try to picture her parents. How did they find out she has Down syndrome? Did they spend time with her? The questions just keep coming. So I pray. I pray for their comfort. I pray for my peace about it.

A few days ago, I got my peace. In our adoption decree it was noted that Gracie's birth parents visited her. In fact, they visited her three times. That may not seem like a lot, but it showed me that they did care and they did love her. I wanted needed to know that they did. The last time they saw her was on her second birthday. They have not returned in 22 months and the officials there have been unable to contact them.

I suspect it was painful for them to visit her. Painful for them to leave her. It was painful for me to leave her. The difference is I knew I would be back; I knew that one day I would walk out of the orphanage with her in my arms and she would never have to go back. No one could give them that peace and comfort. I will always pray for them and always be grateful that they loved her.

On Gracie's birthday and on Mother's/Father's Day I will always think of and honor them.

I will tell her that they loved her.

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