Trip One - Day Three

This morning was the first time I cried since being here. You would think I would have cried the first time we saw Gracie, but I was just happy! You would think I would have cried when she reached out for me as we left the first day, but I knew we'd be back. Well, my eyes did get full of tears but I did not cry.

Today, we walked through the orphanage hallways and heard the sounds of children playing outside below the room we were in. Jimmy and I looked out the window and watched them. Suddenly, two little girls saw us looking. They stared back and started smiling. They were precious and sweet. We smiled and began to wave at them. They loved it. They were giggly and sweet and loving the attention. Attention that was given from the second story of the building above them, through closed solid glass. They could not hear us, touch us or smell us but they could see us and they craved our attention.

I walked into the playroom and cried.

A few minutes later Gracie came in and was just as sweet as ever. When the caretaker came in she told our translator that when she was bringing Gracie down the hall she was smiling and bouncing because she knew where she was going. She knew she was coming to us.

The past two days we have only been able to get her to smile by tickling her. Today, she smiled on her own will. When I held her she smiled. Not because she was being tickled but because she was happy.

We just returned from our afternoon visit. It was a good visit. She like to chew on her clothes. When she does this we tell her no and redirect her attention to something else. She laughs and lets the clothes go. When we were leaving the nurse saw her chewing her shirt and I could tell from her face she did not like it. When I walked closer she pinched Gracie's nose and held it to try to make her let go of the shirt. I was boiling. As we were leaving she told the translator that she has seen a change in Gracie. She said she is responding positively to our visits and is acting different.

I cried silently on the entire car ride back. Then as I got to the hallway of our hotel room I bawled. I got in the bed and bawled. I can hardly breathe. We only have three visits left.

I wasn't going to do this. My husband said "you can't cry because then I'll cry." Well sorry honey. We'll just have to cry together.

I am going to get out of here and get some fresh air.