One Month at HOME

Gotcha day was on January 21st. A special day surrounded by a lot of chaos and stress. I'm sure you can remember...if not read about it here.  We were so happy to have our Gracie, but by mid week I was ready to be home. January 26th we walked into our home and introduced Gracie to her new and permanent life.


I wanted to update you one month from the day we came home for a couple of reasons: numbers and pictures. On January 26th we took pictures of Gracie and measurements so that we could remember where she had been and celebrate the changes that we knew were to come.

As I took her measurements today my eyes filled with tears. How can this be? How can these numbers be right? Can a child really grow this quickly? I know they can. I've seen even more drastic changes in other children adopted in the same (and worse) circumstances.  But when my daughter has changed in such a way before my very own eyes...unbelievable. See for yourself.

	First Day Home	One Month Later
Weight	20 lbs	22 lbs
Height	33”	34”
Head Circumference	17”	18.25"
Upper Arm	4”	6”
Forearm	4”	5.75”
Thigh	7”	9”
Calf	5”	6”
Chest	18”	19”
Waist	16”	19”
Feet	4.5”	4.75”
Clothing size	12 months	18 months

All of these numbers stun me. I expected to see change, but this much so quickly surprised me. I never would have expected the size of her head to change so much if even at all within one month!!! Over an inch difference...in one month!!! Her waist...well, I knew that would change. Without a doubt I knew her waist size would increase, but 3" is shocking to me!!

Please, look at what a family can do for a child! I am not sharing this to brag on what we have done for Gracie. I am sharing this to inspire others. An orphanage...an institution...is no place for a child!

We still have a long road ahead of us. Gracie is progressing so quickly and amazes us everyday. She is such a smart girl who was never allowed or encouraged to learn and grow. Now she is making up for lost time and she is unstoppable. I can look in her eyes and just tell when something clicks.

You saw the changes in the numbers, now see them in the pictures.

One Month Ago

It's so hard to believe that one month ago I walked out of an orphanage with our daughter. It's seems like a distant memory already. It's hard to believe that so much has changed in that one month.

I have been extremely busy taking care of all of the things that Gracie needs.

First and foremost, getting to know each other.  She fits in so perfectly. Everyone is in love with her and she makes that so easy. She is happy, she knows she is loved and she loves back.

I have wasted no time getting her in for various medical appointments and therapy. I want to get her all of the help that she has needed all along so that she can blossom even more!

We have visited the pediatrician, the international adoption clinic, the audiologist, the physical therapist and the speech therapist so far. Our upcoming appointments include occupational therapy (and more ST and PT), a swallow study, ENT, cardiologist, endocrinologist. We will also get to the eye doctor and dentist eventually, but those are last on the list of important visits. I am trying to prioritize the appointments and space them out so that she is not overwhelmed. Some of these take a couple of months to get on the schedule so I'm glad I got started right away.

As you can see, there is a lot going on. I am incredibly busy making appointments and going to appointments. Gracie has a lot going on with delays in development, problems with eating, hearing and thyroids. 

We were originally told in reports from the orphanage that Gracie was deaf. I took her for a hearing test yesterday where they confirmed what I already knew...she is not deaf. She does have moderate hearing loss which was described to be about 50%.  We will know more after we visit the ENT about how to improve her hearing. She has fluid on both sides and I expect tubes will be in her future. 


While at the international adoption clinic there was some concern about a previous infection of the heart noted on her medical record from the orphanage. The doctor also said that she heard a slight murmur so I will be following up with a cardiologist soon.

Our sweet little daughter really is changing so much. It is happening so fast that it's hard to see since we are with her every minute of every day. Here are some pictures of our little love on Valentines Day. She had two different outfits...you know, just because she could!

I can't wait to share details of her progress. I started charting her growth from the day we got home and it is so unbelievable that it brings me to tears. I'll share more on her "one month home" anniversary!

Wonder Woman

Shortly after returning home with Gracie I got a package in the mail. The package was addressed from a friend that has known me since we were 7 years old. She lives many miles away and we are the best of friends. This is what was in the package (with no note or explanation and none needed)...

I laughed and got the message she was trying to send right away. "How sweet of her," I thought. "If only she knew how I really feel!"

I think about this mug everyday. And, yes, I drink wine coffee out of it too! Not because I think I'm Wonder Woman, but because it inspires me...and it makes me laugh.

Wonder Woman...I am not! Wonder woman would not feel the way I feel! I am exhausted. Everything associated with my body is tired and hurts. I always have so much left undone. I keep thinking that some of the balls I have in the air are sure to drop soon and they will all start crashing down on my head.

I know I'm not alone. This is a normal mom feeling and I don't feel guilty. I do what I can do in between loving on my babies and taking care of their needs.

Being a mom doesn't make me Wonder Woman. Adopting doesn't make me Wonder Woman.

When I first started this adoption I prayed this prayer, "God let me impact others. I don't want to only impact one life by adopting Gracie. Please let our story cause others to be inspired. Let them see that I am a normal, nothing special person who followed through with Your plan for us and did what we could to help this child have a different life and know You. Let others see that they can adopt too."

I am not extraordinary. I do not have a lot of money. I have never even been close to receiving a nomination for mother of the year. Sheesh! Seriously...not even close!

If I can do this, I'm pretty sure many of you can too. I know there are a lot of people who should not have children. They should not have biological children. They should not adopt. There are people who should not be allowed on the same planet as a child. So I'm not saying everyone should adopt. I just want you to know that if you are a good person (even an ordinary one) who has the ability and love to support a child, you can do this. 

I am not Wonder Woman. Not even close.

But let's look at it this way...


Wonder Woman is fictional. I am real.

Wonder Woman is a warrior princess. I am a mommy.
 
Wonder Woman has an hourglass figure. I don't have a figure or I don't know what it is. Who cares.

Wonder Woman wears a barely there superhero costume. I'm not even going there...not even on Halloween. I wear yoga pants and a t-shirt as often as I can.

Wonder Woman has appeared in the form of a variety of toys, merchandise and pin-ups. Umm...ok whatever.

Wonder Woman fights for justice, love and peace. I fight for my kids. I guess this could be the same.

Wonder Woman was created by a writer. I was created by God.

Uh-Oh Wonder Woman. I win.

Oh wait...I just found something interesting. Insert Google search "did Wonder Woman have children?" and Wiki.Answers returned this:

No, and she has never been married which would void her (warranty) as an Amazon. However, she is in a sense the foster Mother of the character Donna Troy who serves as Wonder Girl in the Teen Titans and has the same basic powers as Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman...a foster mom. Love it.

Transformed

I walked out of the orphanage with Gracie 8 days ago and we have been home for 3 days. The change, the transformation, I have seen has been amazing. I never thought things would happen so fast.

The first couple of days I had her it was apparent she was dehydrated. She barely had 1-2 wet diapers a day (and they were not very wet at all). I quickly realized she could not even drink. She didn't know how to drink from a cup or a bottle. When I did put liquid in her mouth she choked on it. I knew right away that liquids were a priority. I started trying everything to get her to drink. She bites and chews everything, but does not know how to suck or swallow well. I got her a cup that you have to bite down on for the liquid to come out. It worked wonders! She can now drink a cup of water like a champ. She is wetting diapers (full diapers) constantly. In a matter of days she is no longer dehydrated. Her skin even changed. It is now more squishy and soft rather than flat and dry all because of a little water.

Like I said, she was biting so hard. Clenching her jaws, grinding her teeth. Every time I tried to give her food she would bite the spoon or my fingers. I was afraid she would not let go. Today I noticed she is no longer doing that. I fed her a muffin this morning and she took it from my fingers to her mouth so gently. She learned that biting hurts (I'm sure from my reaction of quickly pulling away and saying "ouch") and she learned it is not necessary.

I was so saddened by the way Gracie ate when I first fed her. After every bite she would scream and shake. I didn't understand. I have heard of how children from hard places have trouble with food/eating. I just was not prepared for this. It was like she was in a panic and afraid I would never give her another bite.  I spoke softly to her and told her that she would always have enough to eat. I let her know that I would always be here to take care of her. I smiled at her and looked into her eyes when I fed her. Eventually, after about three days, the screaming and shaking calmed and I could see change. Now, after feeding her for a week, there is no more of that. She smiles when she eats and she is calm in between bites. When the meal is over, she is satisfied and calm. I would never have expected it to only take a week to help her through this.


Putting Gracie to bed at night was very difficult for all of us. She screamed if we held her, screamed if we rocked her, screamed if we put her in the bed. There was crying...from all of us. I felt so helpless. I knew I just wanted to comfort her, but that she needed to comfort herself. For almost four years she has only had herself to rely on. She has only been able to be soothed...by her. I had no choice but to let her crawl around and play on the floor until she passed out. She would rock herself and then just lay down on the floor and go to sleep. Two nights ago, she started crying when she was tired and cried when I put her in bed. I decided to put her on my chest and see what she would do. She snuggled her head on my chest and sighed. She was calm and went to sleep.

The sigh. Oh my, I love her sigh. She tells me she is comforted and relieved in that sigh.

Every time she wakes up she looks at me for a second, breathes a sigh and then a beautiful smile crosses her face. I can sense her relief. I really believe that she is relieved and so happy that she is still here with us and this was not all a dream. To me, it feels like a dream. I can't even imagine what is going through her head. All I can say is her constant smiles and laughter tell me all I will ever need to know.

She knows she is safe. She knows she is loved.

She is being physically and emotionally transformed before our eyes in a very short amount of time. We are being transformed spiritually. Our hearts forever changed. Our faith stronger than ever. Transformed through Christ in all that He has done. When there was fear, He told me "Be not afraid." When there was doubt, He told me "Trust in Me."  When I thought I would not be able to do this, He reminded me, "I am here with you." He knows the plans He has for me. He knows the plans He has for Gracie. He knew that we were meant to be together. He knew we would be transformed. I know we will continue to be transformed.

Romans 12:2

 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

2 Corinthians 3:18

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

The first photo I ever saw of our daughter

January 2012

The second photo I received of Gracie

March 2012

What love and care can do...in just one week! 

January 2013

We're Coming Home

We are packed and prepared for our long 20 hour trip home. Tonight I am reflecting over the past year and the past week. I can't help but take a deep breath (a sigh of relief) as this chapter of our lives closes and our new forever begins.

After a stressful and adventurous week, we are ready to leave the country that our daughter was born in and bring her home. She has so much love waiting for her at home and I can't wait for her to experience what "home" really means. An orphanage was her home for almost four years. For the past week a hotel room was her home. Tomorrow night she will enter the door to her true home with her forever family. What a precious thought.

As you know we encountered some bumps along this journey, but it all has worked out for our family. We were showered with love through prayers, encouragement and more. I want to tell you that we are so grateful and we will pay it forward. There are many families who are walking this same journey who need help. During this week they were able to put their needs aside and help us. Heaven was stormed with prayer and we saw every prayer answered. We will return these blessings to other families who are on their way to bring their children home.

Gracie has changed. Every day she has blossomed a little more. She trusts us more and more. Feeding her is so much easier now than the first couple of days. She knows she will get enough to eat. Bath time is getting easier too. She did not cry this morning when we had no choice but to bathe her b/c of a very yucky diaper. Bedtime...well we are still working on that, but it has gotten easier too.

She is a joy to wake up to in the morning. She smiles and reaches out for me when I go to get her out of her bed. This morning I put her in the bed between us. She crawled over to Jimmy, put her head and his chest and said "dada."  It is so amazing. She has a sweet whisper when she says "mama" and it makes my heart melt.

She knows she is ours and we are hers. She was chosen for us and we were chosen for her.

Bye-Bye for now...I'll see you in the USA!!!

    

I Will Tell Her That They Loved Her

Many times I have thought of Gracie's parents. They are a very real part of this story. At first, I just thought of them, but after we met Gracie that began to change. When we held her and played with her I hurt for them. I prayed for them.

Throughout the adoption I have received little pieces of information about how their journey began. Gracie was born of a c-section, I knew their ages and their occupations and I knew that she was immediately sent to the orphanage. Some would think that to be so cruel and unloving of them. It is hard for us to understand how parents can do such a thing. I have a tender heart for them; I have compassion for them. I know that the place they live in does not make life easy on them if they choose to parent. It is not their fault individually; it is just the way it is here.

Understand that I do not think they are bad people. I pray for them all the time. They are married and I often wondered about them and what it must have been like to have Gracie. I have cried many tears and felt pain for them. When we met Gracie I saw so much in her. She is a lively, fun, beautiful and loving child. I was so hurt that her parents were not experiencing what she had to offer yet so happy and blessed that we will be able to do so. I prayed, "Lord, they do not know what they are missing. Please give them peace."

Over the past year (especially the past 5 months) I have wondered and prayed, "Did they just turn their backs and walk away?" "Did they love her/care about her?" "Do they ever think about her or wonder what happened to her?" "Did they ever visit her or want to bring her home?"

Most of the time I figured the answer may have been no. I assumed they probably left her and went on about their lives. I wondered if it was normal for me to have these thoughts. I wondered if I was obsessing too much. I decided it was my privilege, duty and honor to pray for them which I have done all along.

Gracie was born in March of 2009 which is about the time I found out I was pregnant with Logan. How great is our God? While I had no idea about the journey I was stepping into with our little boy with Down syndrome...a little girl across the World was being born with the very same condition and she was to be ours too. We were clueless and never would have believed it, but God is so amazing.

I think about the day she was born. I try to picture her parents. How did they find out she has Down syndrome? Did they spend time with her? The questions just keep coming. So I pray. I pray for their comfort. I pray for my peace about it.

A few days ago, I got my peace. In our adoption decree it was noted that Gracie's birth parents visited her. In fact, they visited her three times. That may not seem like a lot, but it showed me that they did care and they did love her. I wanted needed to know that they did. The last time they saw her was on her second birthday. They have not returned in 22 months and the officials there have been unable to contact them.

I suspect it was painful for them to visit her. Painful for them to leave her. It was painful for me to leave her. The difference is I knew I would be back; I knew that one day I would walk out of the orphanage with her in my arms and she would never have to go back. No one could give them that peace and comfort. I will always pray for them and always be grateful that they loved her.

On Gracie's birthday and on Mother's/Father's Day I will always think of and honor them.

I will tell her that they loved her.

GOTCHA DAY!

Thank you for all of your prayers!! I was so nervous today but GOTCHA DAY went very well and Gracie and I had a great day!

Of course there are many details that made up our day, but she is asleep and I am going to eat my dinner and get some rest. Here is one of her first photos as we drove away. She is so sweet!

John 14:18  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.